Ancient Chinese Secret

Not sure what exactly the secret is - but it's great. Made another trip to my favorite massage place. I call it the "ying-yang" place because there's a big ying-yang over the door (not sure of the real name). Requested my main dude... and he got right to work on me. I woke up this morning with a crick in my neck along with my usual lower back pain.
The Four Seasons, it is not.
You don't get fancy water with limes & lemons... you get a dixie cup with room temp. water.
You don't get ambiance - just lot's of ying-yangs, one room with four beds (divided by sheets and held together by chip clips).
You don't get Enya.... you get Ancient Chinese Secret music.
You definitely don't get aromatherapy - just straight up baby oil.

Today was the only time I've been there with an actual person in the bed next to me (I guess Friday's a hot day). Although I couldn't see him (because of the sheet divider) I could DEFINITELY hear him. For atleast 30 minutes - he let out a constant stream of oooo's and aaa's and grunts and an occasional OUCH! Then he actually had the nerve to answer his cell phone TWICE to talk to his girlfriend (who I could also hear b/c he was only 2 feet away). Then at the end of his massage - he actually asked the non-english speaking massage therapist to "stretch him out"!!! She must have been GAGGING.
I was dying to see this dude - his breath was very labored like he had just smoked a pack of Pall Malls.. and I picture him to be about 300 pounds. After she left the "fort" for him to get dressed - I could hear him putting on his tighty whities. They were obviously VERY tight and POPPED at the waist. GROSS!!

All that being said. It's the best (and cheapest) massage I've ever gotten. It's worth even the occasional distraction from the random person next to you. They do fabulous foot rubs too. This is a "must do" for everyone who comes to visit.